Charlie Green is the Deputy Head of Education & Training at Suffolk Mind and is a qualified psychotherapist who is passionate about her work, her community, Suffolk, and the people in her life. Along with a skilled team, Charlie develops and delivers The Mental Health Toolkit which is a suite of courses, workshops and 121 support, which aims to help Suffolk be the best place in the world to talk about and take care of mental health. Charlie’s interest in the menopause is both personal and community wide. She understands the importance of having knowledge, support and skills to be able to navigate this transition.

Charlie spoke to seven of her friends (aged 46-53) and asked them key questions about their experience with the menopause, with the intention of sharing their stories to hopefully be of help to others who might relate.

More blogs by Charlie:

• When did you discover you were perimenopausal and what unexpected symptoms did you have?
• What has been the greatest help for your health and wellbeing during the menopause, and what tips can you recommend to others?
• To HRT or not to HRT: are you taking any hormonal replacement therapy, and how is it working for you?

With a total of 108 years of bleeding between our group of close friends, you would think we would have known what to expect from the menopause… but that wasn’t the case for each of us at first!  

Despite all that experience of menstruation, all the trust and openness of long and supportive friendships, the menopause – or should I say perimenopause – came as a surprise for many of us. Initially we withdrew, walked the road alone, confused and often anxious, unclear about why we were suddenly finding life so tough and disconnected from things we previously took pleasure in.  

But once one of us expanded their knowledge and started to share their experiences, we began to spot the symptoms in ourselves and in each other and we got better at reaching out and helping each other which began to make everything easier. We hope you take some comfort, find some inspiration or feel more connected by reading our words. 

What was the hardest part of the menopause for you?

• “Hot sweats at night and interrupted sleep which leads to memory loss and brain fog.”

• “Being undiagnosed for 18th months despite lots of visits to the doctor and severe symptoms.”

• “The ‘Dragon’ who would sweep in with negative thoughts and feelings and who I did not recognise.”

• “The fatigue, brain fog and poor memory.”

• “The tiredness and rage!”

• “Struggling more with things like multitasking which has always been a strong skill of mine. I now have to focus on one thing at a time, otherwise I don’t do anything very well. It’s been frustrating and an adjustment.”

• “Feeling so hot! I just feel like my whole body temperature has increased. Hot summers can be really challenging.”

• “Not finding joy where I previously did.”

• “Pulling away from friends and family.”

• “The social anxiety and not enjoying being around the people I love.”

What unexpected positives have come from your perimenopausal journey so far?

• “Now I am the other side of the darkness, I sometimes feel I have increased inner strength and a deeper understanding of myself.”

• “I have learned to value myself more. Pace myself, look after myself better.”

• “I am more aware of what I truly enjoy and value.”

• “I feel I’ve been really lucky to have such a supportive and open group of female friends who are happy to talk about symptoms, share stories and support each other in tough times.”

• “Having people around me who were able to spot symptoms that I had not associated with perimenopause.”

• “Knowing myself better, saying yes to the things I want to do and confident not to do the things I don’t want to do.”

• “Strangely enough, feeling the rage was quite liberating. Out of control, but liberating! Now I am on HRT I still try and spot things that would have caused the rage, because I wasn’t wrong to be cross about them, but now I try to do something more constructive about it!”

• “Being unashamedly who you are. Being menopausal has encouraged myself and my peer group to be ourselves and not be as bothered by things like what other people think.”

• “Meeting new people and sharing our stories proudly. This feels like a new and exciting time to be honest about what used to be a silent time of suffering for people experiencing the (peri)menopause firsthand and I hope all we are learning will help younger generations as they mature.”

Thank you for taking the time to read our stories, and we hope it has been helpful for you. We encourage you to share it around – let your partners, children, managers and others in your life read it. By sharing stories from real life, we can all help others on their journey through (peri)menopause and also help those around them to offer support with deeper understanding and compassion.

This is a natural stage of life and the more we know, the easier we all travel through it.

Needing support? Sign up to Menopause & Me through Suffolk Libraries or Suffolk Mind. We’re here to help everyone.

• Menopause & Me
• M-Powered support groups
• Free menopause course
• Resources and further reading
• My Menopause blogs
• Menopause & Me Facebook group

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