Charlie Green is the Deputy Head of Education & Training at Suffolk Mind and is a qualified psychotherapist who is passionate about her work, her community, Suffolk, and the people in her life. Along with a skilled team, Charlie develops and delivers The Mental Health Toolkit which is a suite of courses, workshops and 121 support, which aims to help Suffolk be the best place in the world to talk about and take care of mental health. Charlie’s interest in the menopause is both personal and community wide. She understands the importance of having knowledge, support and skills to be able to navigate this transition.

Charlie spoke to seven of her friends (aged 46-53) and asked them key questions about their experience with the menopause, with the intention of sharing their stories to hopefully be of help to others who might relate.

More blogs by Charlie:

• What has been the greatest help for your health and wellbeing during the menopause, and what tips can you recommend to others?
• The positives and negatives of the menopause
• To HRT or not to HRT: are you taking any hormonal replacement therapy, and how is it working for you?

With a total of 108 years of bleeding between our group of close friends, you would think we would have known what to expect from the menopause… but that wasn’t the case for each of us at first!  

Despite all that experience of menstruation, all the trust and openness of long and supportive friendships, the menopause – or should I say perimenopause – came as a surprise for many of us. Initially we withdrew, walked the road alone, confused and often anxious, unclear about why we were suddenly finding life so tough and disconnected from things we previously took pleasure in.  

But once one of us expanded their knowledge and started to share their experiences, we began to spot the symptoms in ourselves and in each other and we got better at reaching out and helping each other which began to make everything easier. We hope you take some comfort, find some inspiration or feel more connected by reading our words. 

How did you discover you were perimenopausal?

• “I haven’t been to see a doctor and am just assuming the hot flushes are due to the perimenopause as my periods are changing. I am doing OK so don’t feel I need anything more official right now.”

• “It was an accumulation of symptoms for me.”

• “Towards the end, before I reached out for help, it was all a bit dark. But after reading a news story about a lady who took her own life due to menopause symptoms, I took some action. I didn’t feel I could reach out to friends at that time, so I called a menopause specialist that morning.”

• “I assumed significant grief combined with the covid restrictions were the cause of my low mood, weight loss and anxiety. But 12 months after the grief I was still struggling, so I called the doctor who gave me an unexpected prescription for HRT (hormone replacement therapy). I didn’t take it initially as I had unanswered questions. So, I started learning everything I could and sharing everything with friends.”

• “As one of the youngest women in our group, I took my friends advice and was following the menopause doctor and tracking symptoms, so I spotted things early.”

• “A friend noticed my dry eyes and we got talking about the menopause, and my learning journey began.”

• “After discovering I was having to stay in bed for 1 or 2 days a month due to heavy and painful periods, a friend suggested I write down all my symptoms to share with the Women’s Health specialist who visits the doctor’s surgery once a month. I had about 15 symptoms on my list all of which they acknowledged were likely connected to the menopause. I cried with relief at how good it was to feel understood and get help.”

What unexpected symptoms did you have that you initially hadn’t associated with the menopause?

• “Aching, sometimes painful muscles.”

• “I wasn’t expecting to have such heavy periods.”

• “Dry sore eyes. I stopped wearing eye make-up and the eczema had come back around my eyes. It was like there was sandpaper in and around them.”

• “Social anxiety in situations that should have felt comfortable.”

• “Experiencing body odour which I never had before, itching of my hands and feet and forgetting words.”

• “Painful joints that I assumed came with age, but now on HRT the pain has gone, and I am swimming 1 mile a few times a week and walking the dogs.”

• “I forgot my patch once and within 48 hours I fell out of love with myself, my job and my partner! Once the patch was back on, all was well in my world again quite quickly. That shocked me.”

• “The insatiable rage over something as small as someone breathing near me or chewing!”

Thank you for taking the time to read our stories, and we hope it has been helpful for you. We encourage you to share it around – let your partners, children, managers and others in your life read it. By sharing stories from real life, we can all help others on their journey through (peri)menopause and also help those around them to offer support with deeper understanding and compassion.

This is a natural stage of life and the more we know, the easier we all travel through it.